Hard Times

Things are kinda tough these days.  I go back and forth on whether or not I want to write a blog post about this.

I don't want to complain.  And do I want to remember all of this?

But in the end, you have to take the bad with the good.  And maybe it will make me appreciate the still and the quietness of life later on.  Or maybe it'll be like Trace Adkins says in his song: "You're Gonna Miss This!"  So here goes...

The last week or so has been really hard.  I feel like there are babies crying all the time.  So much so, that I still hear them even when it's quiet.   It's like a constant ringing in my ears.  It's not just the itty bitty ones, it's the 2 and 4 year old too.  Somebody wants a grilled cheese sandwich instead of the PB&J I already fixed.  Or somebody took somebody else's car they were playing with.  Everyone wants to be heard, and in this house you have to be LOUD to get some attention!  The squeakiest wheel usually gets the oil.

The fact that our nighttime routine has gone down the drain probably doesn't help.  It was so good for a while: I had moved Lyla and Zoey to their own room.  I put them down for bed at 7pm, woke them for a "dream feed" at 10pm, they woke up once on their own to eat at 3am, and then they'd wake up for the day at 7am.  Not too bad.  But something must have happened to throw things off because now they're awake all. night. long.  One will cry for 2 hours and I'll finally get them to sleep, when the other wakes up and starts fussing.  Generally I'm getting about 3 or 4 hours of sleep lately, and those hours are not continuous.  Where did I go wrong?!  I have a stack of sleep books on my nightstand, borrowed from the library and friends, just trying to figure things out!  I read while I nurse them, and then continue my day, zombie-like!

I've put them in a crib together, and put them in their own cribs.
I've swaddled them, and then left them un-swaddled.
I've dressed them in sleepers, onesies, and gowns.
I've tried humidifier, and no humidifier.
I've fed them whenever they cried, and tried only feeding them on schedule.
I've tried responding every time they cry, and I've tried letting them "cry it out."

I'm doing everything I can think of, with no luck so far.  There's something just a little "off" and I have no idea what it is.  Hopefully they will sleep again soon!

Meanwhile, at our house today there was...

A little boy who played with Legos for 2 hours straight while listening to the radio.

A little girl who walked around with Lightning McQueen underwear over her dress while she pushed a toy stroller with an Elmo balloon tied to it, and a screwdriver in the seat where a baby doll should be.

There were boogers stuck in someone's hair, grape juice spilled on clothes, and applesauce on the floor (licked up by Berkeley)!

I folded 3 baskets of laundry, filled the dishwasher 1.5 times, and went through of mail that had been piling up on the counter.

There are sweet moments too... like yesterday, for a few short minutes, when there was absolute silence as we sat on the lanai and stared at the rain storm in our backyard.

I've figured out a few survival tactics, like...

I've gotten in the habit of cooking dinner around 1 or 2pm, during "nap time" because everyone knows if you wait until the "witching hour" it just won't happen!  Why is it that everyone starts crying around the same time??

Often during that time, I'll have to take both babies in my arms and sit in my "magic chair" on the lanai... the one that bounces... and just sit there for an hour or so, because it's the only thing that keeps them from crying, and keeps me sane.  Or I tell the kids that we're all going to the playroom and I put the babies on a blanket and just turn the Raffi CD all the way up so the crying's not so bad.

My favorite thing to do is just invite friends over or go to the pool.  I know that sounds crazy, but being at home alone is just stressful at times.  If there are other kids here to entertain mine, and another adult to hold a baby, that's nothing short of awesome.  And for right now, when we go to the pool, the babies are zonked out in their stroller for at least an hour and we can swim (close by) and get some energy out for a bit.

What I honestly crave the most these days is alone time with each of them.  I love to sit and build something with Chase.  Or read a book and sing a song with Siena.  Or to hold just ONE baby at a time, gaze into their eyes and study their faces.  I long to know Zoey and Lyla individually and personally.

And mostly I just want "normalcy"... whatever that means!  I'm constantly asking myself, "is this normal?!" about a 100 times a day.  I want to know that I'm on the right track, and being the kind of mom that my children need.  Not the sleep-deprived one they see on the outside, but the one on the inside, who loves them with such intensity and hopes so much that they're not permanently damaged from living in a house as crazy as ours!!